shop shots

I have been asked to share photos of the shop, so here they are:

Adil has a love affair with flourescent lights (He always says that people will only buy what they can see.).  You can see many of the "rods" he has had installed this year.  I cannot walk in to the shop at night unless he turns a few off because I always feel like I am entering some freaky police interview situation.  

mumbo jumbo

The Times of India reported on the 29^th that there have been 22 killed in captive elephant attacks 123 incidents of elephants “running amok” so far this temple season.  It is impossible for me to tell if this is more or less than last year’s 42 people killed and 716 violent incidents because I have no idea how long the temple season is.

The article reported on a recent temple festival in which 3 women killed by an elephant in a local temple procession and another event in which an elephant charged around uncontrolled for a full hour and a half with 3 children on its back.  Who needs a rollercoaster when you can have real life terror?

The Kerala State Forest and Wildlife Department has new rules that are seemingly being ignored.  The guidelines stipulate diet, veterinary care, rest and work schedules as well as housing to ensure that the elephants are happy and healthy and not pissed enough to stomp on people’s heads.  

The guidelines make other excellent suggestions such as:  

• Mahouts (the official elephant riders) should not be allowed to handle elephants when drunk 
• burning torches should be kept away from the elephants  
• any elephant that kills someone should be banned from public appearances for a full 15 days

I have been keeping an eye on the new elephants in the shop.  I know that some shelves are so full that they do not meet the official guidelines- they look a little bored, but so far-so good.

Crime Spree Continues

Margaret Mitchell in Varkala
The Helipad Herald, Wednesday 30 January 2013 03.51 GMT

Robert gained entry to the cafe this morning causing minimal damage.  The Kashmiri boy startled from sleep by the vicious beast fought him off by repeating the phrase "shoo, shoo".  No one was injured in the incident. 

 

 2012 stock photo

Photographic evidence of upturned garbage can and sand debris.

stampede

We have received a huge shipment of elephants in the last 2 days. Some in stone and others in paper mache.  It took us hours to figure out where to put them all.  It is hard to hide a herd of elephants.

  
The boys think it is weird that I find their fabric covered/ hand sewn packages interesting.

 

Most packages from Kashmir are shipped in reusable wicker trunks covered in burlap.  Shipments from Deli are sewn in to sugar sack material.

  

Marshaling the elephants in formation before placing them on the shelves. 

Anyone want an elephant?  I sell cheap just for you.  Today 60% off.

Black Beach

If you walk far enough down the cliff away from the helipad North Beach turns to rock.   Eventually the path drops you out on to Black Beach.  This is area is basically a fisherman's cove scattered with huts, boats and nets in various states of repair and a motley collection of bored men.

I think that this would be Tim Burton's dream vacation spot.   I go there sometimes to look for Johnny Depp, but he remains elusive.  I took a few photos while I was there this morning for your viewing pleasure and promise to keep you posted on any future celebrity sightings.

A small fishing vessel (owned by crows apparently) used to carry nets beached on the black sand that the beach is famous for.

I hope that you can see that the boat appears to be held together with big metal staples that look like stitches.  I have peered inside and can confirm that there are no drunk pirates sleeping inside.

A crow also waiting for Johnny Depp to appear.

Rock-coloured plastic chairs and tables from one of the only tourist restaurants set out on the beach.  

The view away from the beach.  

recycled

Two guys pushing a flat trailer appear several times a week to buy metal waste from the shop keepers.  We leave the plastic and cardboard waste in our front garden and wait for someone to come and take for resale.  Many people seem to make their living this way, so competition for good garbage is tough.  I have often seen people chasing these entrepreneurs down the street because they have "collected" something they shouldn't have.  

  I watched this woman tie our garbage in to her bundle one morning before heading down the steep slope to Varkala Beach. 

Shawn caught a woman from a restaurant on the cliff burning her garbage in his front garden earlier this week.  The fire spread and had to be extinguished (but only after clouds of smoke filled the cafe).

People here have the idea that it is environmentally friendly to burn garbage when possible- especially paper and cardboard.  Foreigners complain that they suffer chest problems related to inhaling smoke.

trash talk

Several times recently I have had to bail from Skype conversations because the garbage truck had arrived on the helipad and I had to make a run for it, so I thought that perhaps I should explain...  

The garbage truck comes every other day-ish, except for holidays and usually not on Sundays.  The schedule is unclear and I haven't even lost my colour coded reference calendar behind the fridge.  Instead I rely on the sound of the wheelbarrows on paving stones.  How the wheelbarrow runners know that the truck has arrived is one of India's great mysteries.  I am now conditioned to run at the sound because the earlier you arrive, the less you have to wait.  Waiting at the smelly truck for big restaurants to finish unloading their garbage ahead of you really sucks.   

The restaurant boys always run up the cliff with their garbage carrying cans or pushing wheelbarrows  (Unless they are delivering it by scooter, tuk-tuk or Ambassador taxi- in which case they simply drive too fast up the cliff). 

The garbage men peer in to every bag to ensure that people do not include recyclable plastic or metal in with their trash.  One day they fished a lacy bra out of the bag and a few of them mock tried it on for my amusement.  

I have decided that the boys run to the truck, so that they have time for a smoke break at the edge of the helipad before returning to work.

Your eyes do not deceive- I am the only woman who carries their own garbage to the truck.  

about faces

Varka is wallpapered with small posters featuring photo portraits of men.
I amuse myself by guessing if the man is:        

A ) on a police most wanted list      B ) a missing person        C ) standing for election

Teen Pregnancies on the Rise

The Moondance dog (pictured here performing prenatal yoga on the helipad) is confirmed pregnant months ahead of her first birthday.  

Margaret Mitchell-Helipad Herald

The Helipad Herald

 The ministry of Tourism has installed coin operated toilets for the tourists, but according to the tuk-tuk drivers- they have no plans for cleaning and maintenance.  mmmmmmm smelly

Here are some "delightful" instructions for use that should come in handy in an area of India where English is not taught in schools and the majority of tourists are not native English speakers.

The ministry of Tourism has been busy.  They are also hosting small cultural events on the helipad on Sundays that are attended exclusively by locals despite the English advertising.  The helipad is always covered in garbage afterward, so this does not bode well for the toilets.

Last year someone left a truck parked on the helipad which rolled on to the cliff taking out the stairs to the beach.  The tuk-tuk drivers paid to have this lovely new staircase with metal railings installed that leads tourists to the tuk-tuk stand.  This photo was taken carefully so that you cannot see all of the garbage that has collected on it now.  This photo should give you a good view of the protected rock cliff that was butchered for the project-oooops.

This is a photo of one of the many tourists I see every day floating over the helipad.  I expect that one of them will one day also have an impact on the protected rock cliff.

the dogs ate it

Simon refuses to post this because he says he cannot even bear to think about it.  The two street dogs adopted by the Kashmiri cousin and the French woman chewed up Simon's English notebook.  We have yet to hear back from the online school with advice on what to do about it, but Simon has some creative ideas about what to do with the dogs.

rinse and repeat

I had a few questions, so I thought I would add a few more notes about laundry here as I try to ignore the Nila truck making a pick-up next door.

A fully automatic washing machine that will hold 7 kg of laundry sells for about $305.00.   This model that has a washer with separate ringer and holds 8 kg goes for about $145.00.

The grocery stores carry all kinds of powder and bar soaps, fabric softeners, bluing agents and bleaches and liquid starches.  It looks a bit like a candy isle.

You can get an average of 4 pieces of laundry done for a dollar.  Many tourists do it themselves and then hang it everywhere to dry.

washing instructions

I called Nila, the only laundry service on the cliff to do a laundry pick-up on December 28th.  Since then I have begged, pleaded  and on one occasion jumped in front of their truck as they pulled out of the hotel next door.  Many times they assured me that there would be a tuck to pick up my laundry within the hour, but they didn't say which hour.

So now it is the middle of January and I must watch the Nila truck unload at the hotel next door.

Early in the New Year I piled my laundry in to a garbage bag and took it to the Nila store front in Varkala.  It turns out that the shop in town is a retail location for dry cleaning only and unaccustomed to regular laundry and dramatic gestures.  They got the owner on the phone for me, who assured me that I needed to rush back to the cliff to await the imminent arrival of the fabled Nila truck.  Do I need to explain that it did not come and that I had to return to town the following day to complete unfinished errands?

Later, I learned that the tuk-tuk drivers had placed bets on what I was lugging around in the black garbage bag.  From their colourful guesses, I think it is safe to say some of them are afraid of me.

Desperate for clean bed sheets for the guesthouse, I was forced to be creative (and by creative I don't mean flipping the dirty sheets and putting them back on the bed like Adil does).

There is a mom and pop hand laundry service at Temple Junction that I use sometimes. It is not a perfect solution because the sheets come back a little more yellow each time they are washed despite the use of strong bleaching powders.

Mom in her shop.

The irons get filled with burning coconut shells to heat them for use,

which explains why there are piles of coconut shells and charcoal in front of her counter.

Hand laundry services are often unreliable because they are so physically demanding that workers are often sick (and because they cannot dry clothes in the rain).  Fortunately for me, mom looks like she is made of leather and it is not rainy season.

signs of the times

Here are translations of some of the signs I see on the way to the market every day.

I think they may have intended it to read "Senior Govt. Bleeder", but I am not sure.

This is the name of my imaginary rock band (but I can't talk about it because Simon rolls his eyes).

I thought the word "girls" with a strike through it indicated that the car was owned by a Kashmiri man, but Simon assures me it really says "I am a giant douche".

Simon is part Kashmiri, so I will defer to his interpretation on this one.

sleeping with the enemy

Indian cockroaches are red-brown numbers large enough to collar and leash.  I have tried researching the suckers to make myself better versed on this topic, but could not stomach the results.  The two things I have learned are:

1)  I personally can't kill anything that you would need a shovel to bury.

2)  The Koran does not prevent believers from killing cockroaches with the use of insecticide or other means with the exception of fire.  I know because I have now read ALL of the passages of the Koran pertaining to pest control.  This research has allowed me to force Muslim boys to kill cockroaches for me.  They apparently worry about their immortal soul, but are not troubled by more practical concerns such as the size of a potential corpse.

Simon could not sleep one night last week because of the sound from not one, but two cockroaches in our room.  I had Adil kill them for us (after a short lesson on the teachings of the Koran).  This was when we discovered Adil's particular talent in this area as he located and killed both cockroaches in a matter of a few minutes.  I know that he did for a fact because I insisted on identifying the bodies before they were tossed over the cliff.

I woke the following night with something crawling on me and knew immediately that it was a cockroach because the weight and span.  I turned on the LED light that I sleep with for this very reason and when I finally saw the sucker moving in the sheets I freaked silently so as not to wake hotel guests.  When I was finished, I woke Simon and then Adil-obviously. The hunt was unsuccessful, but Simon and I did return to sleep in the room that night and lived to fumigate the following morning-praise Allah.

Simon assures me he would have avoided the situation altogether by squishing anything that dared to crawl on him in the middle of the night rather than letting it escape.  He is a big talker for a dude unable to kill his own cockroaches.  I would not have blogged about this if my sister Cathy had not insisted that I do so after hearing Simon brag about his imaginary cockroach-killing prowess.

As a gift to readers I have refrained from including a photo in this post.  Hope you sleep well tonight.

Update

Many people have been asking for an update on Jenny.  

The update is: there is no update.  

She has not been seen since since New Year's Eve and Robert is still not talking.

Hoping Jenny has a Happy New Year.

poetry so beautiful it was meant to be shared

Simon's Update:

Here's some beautiful poetry my 20-something year old cousins thought would be a great addition to our accounts book, even though on numerous occasions they have been told to use the drawing book for (believe it or not) drawing and or scribbling and or what they consider poetry.

foreign flix

Mollywood (the Malayalam film community in this case and not the Mormon film making empire) has a surprising number of exciting new releases currently in theatres for this time of year.  Many of them seem to be remakes of Hollywood treasures, but why not?  Hollywood does it, so why can't Mollywood.

 I have photographed 3 of the movie posters pasted on a wall near my house for you to enjoy and I have translated titles for you in the event that you cannot read Malayalam.

A hybrid between Wedding Crashers and My Best Friend's Wedding

An Officer and a Gentleman-timely

Brokeback Mountain

Simon and I cannot go to see a movie because we are too busy in the cafe, but it is just as well, because who could choose one to see with this selection.

LOST

Pale grey and white display cat last seen December 31st on the North Cliff near the helipad

Jenny from the Block has gone missing.  Robert has been questioned, but this line of inquiry has so far produced no leads.  Jenny may be the third kitten to be taken/forcefully adopted by Indian national tourists from vendors on the cliff this holiday season. The Kashmiri boys had lost interest in her, so she may have even been shopping for a more stable food source herself.

Basket cats have been returned to the window to fill in the void.

On New Year's Day

January 1st 2013

NORTH BEACH 9:00 am

New Year's greeting from European tourists (?).

Beach dog is disgusted that it is another red flag day.

..but the waves are great for the morning surfing lessons

Street dog from Moon Dance Cafe tries to sober up on the beach after the all-night Bollywood Dance Party

SOUTH BEACH 9:15 am

Preparing to fish in 2013

Nice man tries to sell me screaming crustaceans for breakfast.

Locals consider which of the holy men to use for their first puja (blessing) of the year.  I like the one with the beer umbrella and the mirrored sun glasses (not pictured here).

HELIPAD

No Tuk-tuks at the taxi stand

The school bus hit the helipad at 40 km an hour and didn't slow down cause there were no children (?).

Oh Yeah, and Simon and I wish you all a
HAPPY NEW YEAR!