Those who know me know that I have always focused considerable energy searching for a husband. I have doubled my efforts recently as I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that Matt Damon and I may not end up together as planned. It is only logical therefore, that I spend some of my free time here searching the lengthy personal section of the local paper for a suitable mate.
It is always a depressing job eliminating all of the ads for which I am completely unsuitable because I am not from the correct cast, religion or income bracket, or because I cannot produce a sufficient dowry or the perfect horoscope match required. I must also omit the large percentage of eager grooms who are looking to marry doctors (My heart goes out to what is obviously a staggeringly huge population of female doctors in India that must also be scanning the classifieds looking for love.) In my most recent search I had to also write-off the man searching for a bride "with 2 years experience" as I lack the background.
Obviously I have to consider my own standards and requirements as well. Yesterday I found I was able to further scratch from the latest listing the vaguely suspicious "widower divorcee" and the unnecessarily boastful "can ride two wheeler". In fact I have been left with a single candidate in the final cull of suitors:
He sounds perfect (if you don't consider the low sperm count). I don't know what BHP is, but I have a number of extra copies of my most recent passport photo saved for exactly this type of occasion.
I think I am an excellent candidate with my unwillingness to have another child, my many defects and attractive photo. I am a little worried about competition from the potential bride advertized as:
Is "very homely" a minor defect? I promise to keep you posted on my progress. In the mean time keep your fingers crossed and calendars open for a spring wedding.
It is always a depressing job eliminating all of the ads for which I am completely unsuitable because I am not from the correct cast, religion or income bracket, or because I cannot produce a sufficient dowry or the perfect horoscope match required. I must also omit the large percentage of eager grooms who are looking to marry doctors (My heart goes out to what is obviously a staggeringly huge population of female doctors in India that must also be scanning the classifieds looking for love.) In my most recent search I had to also write-off the man searching for a bride "with 2 years experience" as I lack the background.
Obviously I have to consider my own standards and requirements as well. Yesterday I found I was able to further scratch from the latest listing the vaguely suspicious "widower divorcee" and the unnecessarily boastful "can ride two wheeler". In fact I have been left with a single candidate in the final cull of suitors:
"Well settled decent Brahmin boy Srivatsam 31/178 SWE MNC Chennai with minor insufficient sperm counts seeks bride who cannot bear child/with other minor defects. Status no bar. send BHP"
He sounds perfect (if you don't consider the low sperm count). I don't know what BHP is, but I have a number of extra copies of my most recent passport photo saved for exactly this type of occasion.
I think I am an excellent candidate with my unwillingness to have another child, my many defects and attractive photo. I am a little worried about competition from the potential bride advertized as:
"Tamil Muslim 24/153/ M.Sc, slim, smiley, wheatish, very homely"
Is "very homely" a minor defect? I promise to keep you posted on my progress. In the mean time keep your fingers crossed and calendars open for a spring wedding.
When I read this post to your trophy husband he just about fell off his pedestal. He was wilting visibly so I assured him that, mathematically speaking, the probability of him being usurped was very low. When I told him "six of one, half dozen of the other" he got so perplexed that I was able to quickly slip him into the freezer. I will leave him there until this latest mania of yours passes. Or until you find a new husband...
ReplyDeleteOk I have now spent far to much time trying to piece together what the letters mean and have come up with lots and lots of suggestions....... none of them are suitable to post.
ReplyDeleteThe real questions is how does he know he has a low sperm count (second thought- I really don't want to know) eww
As for the girl she must have brothers who must have slung an array of words together something like: Snapsy,scrag,bag,hag,pig,hog,dog,sow which shortened down to just plain homely.
Still hoping you will hold out for Matt Damon and his potential sperm count.
C