signs of the times

Here are translations of some of the signs I see on the way to the market every day.

I think they may have intended it to read "Senior Govt. Bleeder", but I am not sure.

This is the name of my imaginary rock band (but I can't talk about it because Simon rolls his eyes).

I thought the word "girls" with a strike through it indicated that the car was owned by a Kashmiri man, but Simon assures me it really says "I am a giant douche".

Simon is part Kashmiri, so I will defer to his interpretation on this one.

sleeping with the enemy

Indian cockroaches are red-brown numbers large enough to collar and leash.  I have tried researching the suckers to make myself better versed on this topic, but could not stomach the results.  The two things I have learned are:

1)  I personally can't kill anything that you would need a shovel to bury.

2)  The Koran does not prevent believers from killing cockroaches with the use of insecticide or other means with the exception of fire.  I know because I have now read ALL of the passages of the Koran pertaining to pest control.  This research has allowed me to force Muslim boys to kill cockroaches for me.  They apparently worry about their immortal soul, but are not troubled by more practical concerns such as the size of a potential corpse.

Simon could not sleep one night last week because of the sound from not one, but two cockroaches in our room.  I had Adil kill them for us (after a short lesson on the teachings of the Koran).  This was when we discovered Adil's particular talent in this area as he located and killed both cockroaches in a matter of a few minutes.  I know that he did for a fact because I insisted on identifying the bodies before they were tossed over the cliff.

I woke the following night with something crawling on me and knew immediately that it was a cockroach because the weight and span.  I turned on the LED light that I sleep with for this very reason and when I finally saw the sucker moving in the sheets I freaked silently so as not to wake hotel guests.  When I was finished, I woke Simon and then Adil-obviously. The hunt was unsuccessful, but Simon and I did return to sleep in the room that night and lived to fumigate the following morning-praise Allah.

Simon assures me he would have avoided the situation altogether by squishing anything that dared to crawl on him in the middle of the night rather than letting it escape.  He is a big talker for a dude unable to kill his own cockroaches.  I would not have blogged about this if my sister Cathy had not insisted that I do so after hearing Simon brag about his imaginary cockroach-killing prowess.

As a gift to readers I have refrained from including a photo in this post.  Hope you sleep well tonight.

Update

Many people have been asking for an update on Jenny.  

The update is: there is no update.  

She has not been seen since since New Year's Eve and Robert is still not talking.

Hoping Jenny has a Happy New Year.

poetry so beautiful it was meant to be shared

Simon's Update:

Here's some beautiful poetry my 20-something year old cousins thought would be a great addition to our accounts book, even though on numerous occasions they have been told to use the drawing book for (believe it or not) drawing and or scribbling and or what they consider poetry.

foreign flix

Mollywood (the Malayalam film community in this case and not the Mormon film making empire) has a surprising number of exciting new releases currently in theatres for this time of year.  Many of them seem to be remakes of Hollywood treasures, but why not?  Hollywood does it, so why can't Mollywood.

 I have photographed 3 of the movie posters pasted on a wall near my house for you to enjoy and I have translated titles for you in the event that you cannot read Malayalam.

A hybrid between Wedding Crashers and My Best Friend's Wedding

An Officer and a Gentleman-timely

Brokeback Mountain

Simon and I cannot go to see a movie because we are too busy in the cafe, but it is just as well, because who could choose one to see with this selection.

LOST

Pale grey and white display cat last seen December 31st on the North Cliff near the helipad

Jenny from the Block has gone missing.  Robert has been questioned, but this line of inquiry has so far produced no leads.  Jenny may be the third kitten to be taken/forcefully adopted by Indian national tourists from vendors on the cliff this holiday season. The Kashmiri boys had lost interest in her, so she may have even been shopping for a more stable food source herself.

Basket cats have been returned to the window to fill in the void.

On New Year's Day

January 1st 2013

NORTH BEACH 9:00 am

New Year's greeting from European tourists (?).

Beach dog is disgusted that it is another red flag day.

..but the waves are great for the morning surfing lessons

Street dog from Moon Dance Cafe tries to sober up on the beach after the all-night Bollywood Dance Party

SOUTH BEACH 9:15 am

Preparing to fish in 2013

Nice man tries to sell me screaming crustaceans for breakfast.

Locals consider which of the holy men to use for their first puja (blessing) of the year.  I like the one with the beer umbrella and the mirrored sun glasses (not pictured here).

HELIPAD

No Tuk-tuks at the taxi stand

The school bus hit the helipad at 40 km an hour and didn't slow down cause there were no children (?).

Oh Yeah, and Simon and I wish you all a
HAPPY NEW YEAR!